dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
