Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
