I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
