There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Everything about him screamed your future.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
