I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
