Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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