singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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