So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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