On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
