Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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