Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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