I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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