It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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