Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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