He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
