I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
