I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
