ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
