38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
