Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
