so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
