id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
