oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
