she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
