Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
