once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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