oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
