There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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