she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
