No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
