Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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