I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
