yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
