If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
