Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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