they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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