im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
