And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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