She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
