Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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