but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
