my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
