took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
