i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
