The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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