Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
