If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
