i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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