I didn't shave. On purpose
babies were throwing up all over the place
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
