she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
