never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
