dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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