My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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