sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
