i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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