I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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