He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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