I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
