I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
