Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize