video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
