I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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