he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
