I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
