i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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