woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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