pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
