I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize