My underwear smells like fireworks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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