yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
