I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
