i think my tv is drunk
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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