Pappa wants mamma naked
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
