as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
